Let Them Bloom

I don't believe in the empty vessel theory.  You know, that children are just empty vessels and it's our job to fill them up and make them into somebody.  They come here as somebody.   Those personalities show up early on too.  Temperaments, preferences, and attitudes show almost immediately after birth.  So why is it some parents believe they can dictate who they are and what they should become?

True, it's our job to teach, train, mentor, inspire, impart, bond, encourage and a host of other things.  But not dictate who they are.  I feel strongly about this because I have personal experience.  My father loved us I know.  He was difficult to please though.  It seemed that before we were born he knew who we should be....what we should like or dislike, be afraid of or not, excel at, spend time on, etc...  So I grew up feeling that I wasn't entirely right.  Not the way I was.  To be truly loved and approved, I'd need to mold to his image.  For me that meant being thinner, less shy, more aggressive, athletic, smarter...  less me and more like his idea of me.  Overcoming this has taken energy and time that could've been spent more joyfully. 

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We hope that our children will share our values and beliefs and be good people, with all the skills necessary to live a long and happy life. We naturally want to share our passions and interests with our children. It's expecting our children to feel as passionately about it as we do that becomes a problem.  I've seen parents push their kids to major in a certain field in college and follow a particular career path, even if they have no interest, but in fact a deep passion elsewhere.  Why?  True success comes where passion and ability meet, finding those things you both excel at and love.  Why insist that they do something else because you judge it will make them happier and more successful?  I've never understood this.  

We give our children all we can.  We impart all the wisdom and experience we possibly can.  Then we have to give them wings, let them go, and see where it takes them.  It may hurt to see them make wrong choices or suffer failure.  But we're there to catch them when they fall.  Sometimes, they need encouragement to continue a hard road.  We have to feel that line between letting them quit something too easily, or walk away because it isn't right for them.  

My son Taylor is 15.  He started public school this year and joined the Freshman football team, never having played in his life.  Not even in our yard. Ever.  In fact, he was quite a couch potato.  It was HARD.  I know he literally thought he'd die at times.  He knew he was the least experienced guy on the team.  He didn't quit, nor did he mention it.  If he had, I would've encouraged him to see it through the season.  Dig deep, suck it up, hang in there, and persevere.  Because that forms character and strength.  Insisting he play football all four years of high school because I want him too is another story.  He played the whole season, saw his self esteem grow and his body weight shrink, and really enjoyed it. But he's not sure he wants to play again.  He's not really built for football.  He has other, competing interests.  I admit, I liked saying I had a boy on the team, you know?  It was fun going to the games and cheering for him.  I will miss it if he doesn't play next year. Really. But this is HIS life.  And his decision not to play again, wouldn't be the same as quitting.  


I admit, I've had those dreams of what I hoped a particular child would do and be.  I'm only human!  I know them better than they know themselves sometimes, or at least have a more experienced perspective.  I see what I think they'd be good at.  Or not good at.  But imposing that on them is something I will not do.  I might mention it.  Suggest it. Give them food for thought.  I will never give ultimatums.  This is their life.  Only they know where they feel truly gifted and happy.  If we do our jobs well, or even mostly well, they'll know which road to follow.  And they'll bloom splendidly.

most photos courtesy of Alyssa, beautiful children courtesy of me

Giving of Our Abundance

This is highly personal, and a little hard to talk about and admit.  But I wanted to share something I learned recently because it was so enlightening to me.  Life changing maybe.  For all of you that already know this, be patient with me, I'm a slow learner.  


This past year has been the hardest financial year of our 23 years of married life.  Unemployment, multiple and devastatingly expensive repairs and replacements, combined with  current economic realities, and the stage of life we're in....  you know, seven children, 5 of whom are teens or older and all that entails with expenses of car insurance, food, activities, lessons, food, shoes, gas money...... did I mention food?  They eat muchly.  We've had to be humbled to accept more financial assistance and help from friends and church than we ever wanted to.   We've been so incredibly grateful for all of that help, each and every day.  But accepting help is hard.  I don't want to be "that family" that always needs something. 


*I* want to be the one who can help others.  I want to have financial abundance so I can be the one to bless others' lives.  I want to be the one that can help someone in need.  It's frustrated me to tears at times, that I find things so reversed from how I would like them to be.  I have certainly developed a great compassion for anyone who is struggling financially and how scary that is.   Many things about my life in recent years have taught me the importance of truly being non-judgmental.  No one knows what it's like to walk in another person's shoes.  


Anyways, I was just feeling so rotten the other day because I'm tired of taking, when I'd rather be giving.  I don't have any financial means to give (though I intend to change that soon).  I can't buy anyone anything.  I can't contribute to any humanitarian causes.  I can't donate any food.   I can't buy fabric to make quilts or blankets to donate.  All I could think of was all these things I couldn't do and I felt very helpless.  


Now, I can't even remember where this inspiration came from.  I know I either heard or read something brief, and the light bulb clicked on.   Abundance comes in many forms, only one of which is monetary.   You can have an abundance of cheer, hope, smiles, hugs, wisdom, grace, love, concern, as well as talents or skills that can be put to use on behalf of others.   I hadn't thought of those things in terms of abundance before.  I should have because that's what the Savior taught.  That giving of those things is also giving of my abundance and helping others.  At first I felt a huge relief as the truth of this sank in and gave me new perspective.  


Then it hit me.  The only problem with this is that you have to  1.  acknowledge your gifts and talents and 2. cultivate characteristics that are positive and of good worth to bless others.   You know how sometimes you take quizzes or read books where they ask you to list all your good traits, or talents?  Well, I HATE those.  My answer to "list your top 10 best skills (talents, traits)" is always...   "UUUHHHHHH...."  Seriously.  I don't see anything noteworthy.  (Or I can think of someone that can do it better).  But ask me to list my top 10 worst traits...  watch out and get me a LONG piece of paper.  Cause I can go way past 10! If I really want to give,  really want to make a difference,  I will need to acknowledge something I have that's worth sharing.  


Secondly, it makes you take an inventory of what your characteristics are.  My lifelong shyness and self-consciousness has often left me feeling socially awkward, missing chances to  say the right things at the right time, and looking unfriendly or snobby. You know those people that you just love to be around?  The ones that brighten a room and make people feel better for having been in their presence?  Well, that's not me I'm sorry to say (and some of you already know that).  But it could be.  If I decided to cultivate those traits.   And if I really want to give of my abundance, I will have to make a serious effort to do that.  


It's given me a good bit of soul searching, that's for sure.  The easiest thing for me to see is the areas I need to become better.  Seeing the gifts I already have is harder.  But maybe it won't seem self serving or selfish if I do it so I can give them away.   So my personal challenge  for this week is to get outside of myself and see the people who are in need in some way, and then decide what I have to offer that will lighten their burden.  

The Legacy of Strong Women

I posted a while ago about the struggle I'm having concerning what to be when I grow up.  I feel torn between the opportunity to build a small business from home.  That I already have.  But never intended to be in charge of.  Yet it's brilliant, and so maybe I should stretch myself.  Or then again, I could run with the business idea I've had (forever) that would be totally different and allow me to indulge my creative side, and that is more in my comfort zone.  I really felt I had to choose.  Why?  Well, frankly, I feel I do a poor enough job of juggling a family of 9, home schooling, life in general with the daily fires to put out, volunteer commitments,  miles on the road, etc.   If I split my focus yet one more way, won't I just break into pieces too tiny to matter?  Won't everything I do, if I do too much, just suffer from lack of care?


I'm wondering now if that's wrong.  Is there a way to do it all, and do it well?  If so, can *I* do it?  So here's what got me questioning.

We're studying American History with A History of Us, by Joy Hakim.  

Cannot say enough how much we love these books!  We're in book 2, "From Colonies to Country" and we came to a story that so impressed and fascinated me about a strong woman.  The chapter is titled "The Girl Who Always Did Her Best".  Well, that's an understatement!  Eliza Pinckney moved with her family from the Carribean to South Carolina when she was 16.  Her father almost immediately went off to war and her mother became seriously ill.  

photo from A History of Us

She's well noted for her intelligence; speaking three languages, playing instruments, and studying.  She also took over all business operations for her father's three large plantations.  At 16.  She experimented with new crops, growing the first successful indigo in the colonies.  She rose up early each day and read for a couple of hours, then took some exercise while checking on the plantations.  She studied her music, and reviewed things she was learning (like French and shorthand).  At 22 she chose a husband for herself who was 45.  She had three children, and then her husband died.  So, she ran her three plantations along with her husband's SEVEN.  According to history she did this and raised her family outstandingly.  


And I can't seem to fit it all in.  Yes, life today is different.  We have places to be, phone calls to make, meetings to attend, emails to answer... and she undoubtedly had servants to help.  But so do we.  They're called dishwashers, washing machines, and microwaves.  Right?






I'm about ready to read a book to learn a lot more about Abigail Adams. Impressive woman. Wife of John Adams, mother of six children in 10 years, two of whom were buried young.  John had long absences from home and Abigail ran home and farm while he was  away.  Their well preserved letters show a woman who was his intellectual equal (at least), always studying and learning, eloquent in speech, and independent.  She made financial decisions and investments while he was away.  She was often referred to as "Mrs. President" while he was in the White House because she was so politically active.  

photo from A History of Us

I love the passage in Proverbs (31: 10-31) that I hadn't taken much notice of until recently.  It describes a good and virtuous woman.  Her husband's heart is safe with her.  She works willingly with her hands, and brings her food from afar.  She rises early, before anyone else, to feed her family.  She transacts business, buying a field and planting the vineyard with her own hands.  She strengthens herself and sees that what she produces is good. She cares for the needy.  Her family is richly and warmly clothed, and she makes and sells extra linen. She speaks with wisdom and kindness and is not idle.  There's more if you want to read the whole thing (and more beautifully than my paraphrasing).


To be honest, until recently that would have probably made me a bit...  well, defensive.  I don't know about you, but I often feel my to-do list and the expectations of others for me are plenty long.  As I often tell my family, "I am only one woman".  Yet look at what one good woman can do.  Think of all the powerful and strong women throughout history.  Think of the ones you know today!  What have they done? I now see that rather than a list of things to do, that passage in Proverbs simply outlines all that I have the power to be!  Good women do much because we CAN.  


This week I think we'll have a short home school holiday. Monday and Tuesday off.   We haven't really taken any days off, and this woman needs some time to ponder and plan the possibilities.  Home and family must be preserved.. yes.  Some things in life are more important than others..  true.  But if these women could do it, can't I find a way to be more and do more and still be true to myself and my priorities?  Am I capable of more than I think I am?  Do I have more power than I realize?  Life is a choice.  It's all a choice.  And I have some choices to make.  

Favorite Websites

I thought I'd post some of my most favorite websites.  Some are blogs, some have products for sale, some are just great information or resources.  But I LOVE them and wanted to tell you.


Thrift Books is awesome.  I have a passion for books (and unfortunately not enough bookshelves... ), but I also don't like parting with my money.   Buying used books has been great for our family.  We save so much money and often times you can't tell the used from new.  There are plenty of used book sites out there like Amazon.  But they all charge shipping.  Up to $4 per book.  Thrift Books charges no shipping and in most cases is significantly cheaper than other sites.  They may not have what I need, but it's always where I go first.  


Every Day Minerals is one of my newest favorites.  I like makeup. It covers my blotchy, rosacea tainted skin.  And I love pretty colors!  But most makeup doesn't cover my flaws very well, or irritates my skin.  About a year ago I started using mineral powder foundation.  LOVE IT!  However, the store brands have so many fillers that I often found my skin itchy.  Some other high end brands are..  well...   pricey.  Every Day Minerals is awesome.  So many choices for any skin undertone.  I found it very effective, non-irritating, and magically covering.  Her eye shadows have real lasting power and a rainbow of colors.  And her prices?   Wonderfully affordable.  You even get a discount of 20% if you purchase 5 full sized products, which I just did.  Don't know which color foundation to choose?  She offers free sample kits of 5 shades to try.  You only pay $3 shipping.  




The Lettered Cottage.  My home is horribly "un-designed".  It's what you'd call...  umm....   we're too poor and busy raising 7 kids to have a definite style.  Or time to decorate.  Or money to do it.  Or the creativity to make it happen...  well you get the idea.  I know what I like when I see it.  I want my home to feel peaceful, simple, clean, inviting and not overly formal.  THIS is how I want my house to be.  They have stunning before and after photos that give me hope!  And while I haven't gotten to all the site content yet, they claim they do this all on little or no budget.  Amen.  Someday, my house will echo their work.  Sigh.  Just click on before and after on the menu bar.


The Pioneer Woman.  Ree Drummond is my hero.  She writes better than me, cooks better than me, does photography better than me, and probably home schools her kids better than me.  She's witty, talented, gracious, generous, and frankly honest.  Her frequent give aways are fun.  I subscribe and get her daily digest in my email in box.  When I grow up I want to be Ree Drummond.  If you want information on life, children, homeschooling, cooking, design, or a host of other topics, her blogs/website is the place to go.



All Recipes.  I'm a cookbook freak.  I collect cookbooks like some people collect coins, or shoes.  Yet for all the cookbooks I have, there are days I can't find what I need.  Or, more to the point, can't remember which cookbook that recipe is in.  It's hard getting old.  But, All Recipes is a very searchable site with lots of variations to make anyone happy.  Recipes can be scaled smaller or bigger, and you can even print off the recipes index card sized and ready to file.  Or, you can register for free and file your recipes in your virtual box.  Some days, it's a lifesaver (or dinner saver).  


Teach With Movies.  A friend sent me this link.  I don't know about you, but along with entertainment, sometimes I want my kids to actually learn something from the movies we watch...  without showing those boring documentaries we saw in school.  You know, the ones that for decades seemed to always be narrated by the SAME man.  (how is that even possible?).  Anyways, you can search for movies by topic.  And for a  very low yearly rate you can subscribe which opens resources like lesson plans and learning guides for over 300 movies!  It's genius.  


I hesitate to mention the next one.  For a few reasons.  One, it's kind of blatant self promotion (not that a blog isn't I guess, right?).  Second, it's not like that many people read my blog that it would really benefit me in any way. Third, my mentioning this tends to scare people away as if I will hunt you down and trap you like some stereo-typed version of a used care salesman.  Which puzzles me really.  Anyone who knows me knows I'm not like that.  A lot of people I know don't even know this about me (like I'm a secret agent or something), but I have a telecom and energy services business.  Few people know, because I clearly have a lot to learn about being in business!  I assure you it's legit.  Above board.  A lot of fun actually.  And my saving grace to not have to go back to work full time (because although I don't begrudge that choice to anyone...  it's not one I want to make).  


I simply broker services through arrangements with companies like Verizon, AT&T, Sprint, Dishnet, ADT security and other highly well known and reputable companies.  It won't cost you a penny more than you already pay for stuff you already use.  It makes my desire to stay home with my children a reality.  Check out what I have.  If you or someone you know is looking to switch or just renew services, PLEASE ask me first or send them my way.  I will love you forever and ever.  You may even find me at your door with a plate of warm and gooey chocolate chip cookies as a thank you!  Think about that.  Verizon never did that for you, huh?


Well, these are just a few of my favorite sites and I hope you find something useful on them.  Don't hesitate to shout out one of your favorites.  It might become one of mine!

It shouldn't be allowed

For moms to get sick I mean.  You know, the kind of sick where you just can't.  Do. Anything.  When mom stops it seems like the world stops, right?  I fought a slight cold all last week with the rest of my family.  Not a big deal.  Then on Monday morning this annoying, dry cough started.  I felt ok this morning...   but by lunch I had to crawl into bed.  Where I still am.  Trying to orchestrate dinner from here.  Thank goodness I have kids that can work a little magic in the kitchen.  Here's my list of the reasons why it's just not fair that moms get sick.  Ever.  


1.  We've already been through morning sickness at least once.  Isn't that enough?


2.  Kids run a little wild knowing we can't do a thing about it.


3.  I don't know about you, but I had plans for today.  And now I don't.


4.  It'll all be there waiting for us the next day though, won't it?


5.  Electric guitars are tough on bad headaches (ok, maybe that's just in my house).


6.  Mom takes care of everyone else, and it doesn't seem to work the other way around.


7.  Natural childbirth  (or not even) should exempt us forever.


8.  I had plans (did I already say that?)


9.  The house seems to grow in clutter before your eyes, and you're helpless to stop it.

The Womanly Art of Breadmaking

Today seemed like a good day to teach the little girls the womanly art of bread making.  Bread making is fun.  Especially for kids.  You get to dump lots of stuff into the mixer.  Yeast is fun to smell (not!).  Plus the idea of yeast "eating" the sugar and flour and then "burping" gas to make it grow...   you get a little gross out humor too.   It's also kind of cool that from a lump of flour, water, yeast and a few minor things, you can make FOOD!   


It today's fast paced world, where so many people don't even cook or share meals together, I think there are some valuable skills that need preserving.  You may not choose to make all your own bread all the time.  But it's good to know you can if you need to (store's closed, car won't start, lost your debit card....).  It's a good feeling to know in today's wacky economy and uncertain times, that you CAN control something.  You can rise above that mess a little bit and be self sufficient.  

We started with some wheat grinding today.  Our wheat grinder is ancient!  I mean, really, look at it!  It weighs a ton and everyone is deafened for the time it's running.   Fun, fun, fun though.  If you're a kid, the more noise the better, right?   

After all, Rapunzel must have made her own bread up in that tower, don't you think?   So now we have a nice batch of whole wheat flour (half red and half white...   because I'm in love with the white wheat, but can't bear to just waste the red).  Anyone out there want to trade me some hard white wheat for my hard red wheat?  *sigh*   I didn't think so. 




Natalie and Chloe both wanted to help and asked a lot of questions.  I have to admit...   I am not good at sharing my kitchen.  I'm usually short on time, I know exactly what I want to do and how I want it done, and I don't always have the patience to slow down and endure bigger messes so my kids can learn.  Especially in the kitchen. I know, terrible isn't it?  I'm trying though!  

They didn't even fight (much) over who got to dump what into the mixer.  I have to remember that even young kids are capable of SO much.  After one cupful of flour, I left Chloe alone to put on the lid and start the mixer while I was in another room.  Which she did.  With no problem.  

After all the mixing...   we're just waiting for the bread to rise....   
































and we're back!  Ok, so the girls had a good time kneading the bread (which we failed to get photos of).  

But this is the face of a girl who got to pummel some bread dough.

"You did not just touch my dough!"

"I am a force to be reckoned with!"  (and don't we all know it).  

So we got the bread into the pans.  I LOVE these long loaf pans.  They're shaped like the store-bought bread that most kids are familiar with (unless they've only known homemade).  I make at least 4 at a time and freeze them, which lasts for a week or two.  

I wish you could smell this....  mmmmmm......  it smells lovely in here!  Fresh baked bread.  YUM.  You know you want some  :)

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ACK!  Christmas break is over.  And. I'm. Not. Ready.   Not ready to run, run, run, run, run.  I SO enjoyed the slow and lazy pace (cause I'm a little lazy).  


Dropped off the 18yo for his first day of college.  With his Asperger's, his anxiety level was WAY up there, but I'm sure he'll do great!  Back to the daily routine (not entirely a bad thing), and off to dance class today.    


I hope your first week of the new year is a great one!  I plan to survive mine with my sanity intact.