Giving of Our Abundance

This is highly personal, and a little hard to talk about and admit.  But I wanted to share something I learned recently because it was so enlightening to me.  Life changing maybe.  For all of you that already know this, be patient with me, I'm a slow learner.  


This past year has been the hardest financial year of our 23 years of married life.  Unemployment, multiple and devastatingly expensive repairs and replacements, combined with  current economic realities, and the stage of life we're in....  you know, seven children, 5 of whom are teens or older and all that entails with expenses of car insurance, food, activities, lessons, food, shoes, gas money...... did I mention food?  They eat muchly.  We've had to be humbled to accept more financial assistance and help from friends and church than we ever wanted to.   We've been so incredibly grateful for all of that help, each and every day.  But accepting help is hard.  I don't want to be "that family" that always needs something. 


*I* want to be the one who can help others.  I want to have financial abundance so I can be the one to bless others' lives.  I want to be the one that can help someone in need.  It's frustrated me to tears at times, that I find things so reversed from how I would like them to be.  I have certainly developed a great compassion for anyone who is struggling financially and how scary that is.   Many things about my life in recent years have taught me the importance of truly being non-judgmental.  No one knows what it's like to walk in another person's shoes.  


Anyways, I was just feeling so rotten the other day because I'm tired of taking, when I'd rather be giving.  I don't have any financial means to give (though I intend to change that soon).  I can't buy anyone anything.  I can't contribute to any humanitarian causes.  I can't donate any food.   I can't buy fabric to make quilts or blankets to donate.  All I could think of was all these things I couldn't do and I felt very helpless.  


Now, I can't even remember where this inspiration came from.  I know I either heard or read something brief, and the light bulb clicked on.   Abundance comes in many forms, only one of which is monetary.   You can have an abundance of cheer, hope, smiles, hugs, wisdom, grace, love, concern, as well as talents or skills that can be put to use on behalf of others.   I hadn't thought of those things in terms of abundance before.  I should have because that's what the Savior taught.  That giving of those things is also giving of my abundance and helping others.  At first I felt a huge relief as the truth of this sank in and gave me new perspective.  


Then it hit me.  The only problem with this is that you have to  1.  acknowledge your gifts and talents and 2. cultivate characteristics that are positive and of good worth to bless others.   You know how sometimes you take quizzes or read books where they ask you to list all your good traits, or talents?  Well, I HATE those.  My answer to "list your top 10 best skills (talents, traits)" is always...   "UUUHHHHHH...."  Seriously.  I don't see anything noteworthy.  (Or I can think of someone that can do it better).  But ask me to list my top 10 worst traits...  watch out and get me a LONG piece of paper.  Cause I can go way past 10! If I really want to give,  really want to make a difference,  I will need to acknowledge something I have that's worth sharing.  


Secondly, it makes you take an inventory of what your characteristics are.  My lifelong shyness and self-consciousness has often left me feeling socially awkward, missing chances to  say the right things at the right time, and looking unfriendly or snobby. You know those people that you just love to be around?  The ones that brighten a room and make people feel better for having been in their presence?  Well, that's not me I'm sorry to say (and some of you already know that).  But it could be.  If I decided to cultivate those traits.   And if I really want to give of my abundance, I will have to make a serious effort to do that.  


It's given me a good bit of soul searching, that's for sure.  The easiest thing for me to see is the areas I need to become better.  Seeing the gifts I already have is harder.  But maybe it won't seem self serving or selfish if I do it so I can give them away.   So my personal challenge  for this week is to get outside of myself and see the people who are in need in some way, and then decide what I have to offer that will lighten their burden.