That Ghandi was a wise man

I've been thinking about a quote a read a while back.  

This is true.  But we all do it, don't we?  We all believe things, and yet we don't live them.  We believe in being kind, yet sometimes we aren't.  We believe in being forgiving, but sometimes it's easier said than done.  And we all say we want to be better, but then we don't always make the commitment and do the work it takes to actually be better.  Of course no one is perfect.  But the number of things I believe, and yet don't do is....  uncomfortable.  

I'm generally a fairly private person when it comes to personal struggles and issues. My own family rarely knows what goals I'm working on.  I know plenty of my shortcomings are obvious, and I guess I don't want to be brutally honest about all of them.  It's not out of pride...  (okay, maybe it is)...  it's just that if I blab about a certain area I'm trying to improve, and I fail, then everyone will know about it instead of just me.  Which just deepens the disappointment (or the humiliation)... and the fear of failure, for someone that already has a healthy dose.  Please tell me someone out there can relate to that.  

But I've been thinking for some time of being brave enough to use this blog to hold myself more accountable by letting everyone in on some part of life I struggle with.  I would hope that it would help me stick to my efforts better (and make fewer excuses) so as to not suffer the above mentioned humiliation.  And yeah, I know you have so much going on in your own life that you probably don't care whether or not I reach my goals. But as long as it's out there I think I'll work harder (I hope).  

The beginning of a new year is as good a time as any, right?  Honestly, not a New Year's resolution maker.  Resolutions are just wishes.  Goals are plans of action.  I'd rather set goals.  That means deciding what you want, and outlining the steps needed to get there. I've learned to be a great goal setter.  But I let the many little fires of everyday life take my focus away from what I decided was truly important to me, and then I make excuses, and then forget, and then I fail.  Believing in something and not living it....  

So on New Year's day I'll take a deep breath, lay out my biggest challenge, and get started.  And if it bores you to tears to follow along, it's perfectly okay.  If you don't tell, I'll never know.  I hope it'll still give me the kick in the behind I need. 

Changes

The only constant in life is change (according to Heraclitus of Ephasus at least, but I believe him).  Sometimes life is kind of static, and then there are big seasons of change that wash over us like a blustery storm.  I'm in the middle of one of those seasons right now, which is one reason I haven't blogged in 5 months.   Don't get me wrong, storms aren't all bad.  I like a good rainstorm now and then.  I enjoy the beauty of a brooding sky and love the smell of outdoors after rain.  But change can also be disorienting. 

In the past 6 months or so, my oldest child got married, and second oldest moved out.  I went back to college after 24 years.  We decided to sell our home in the country of 18 years, and move to town.  My "baby" gave up "nee-nees" (nursing), and diapers (like I said, change isn't all bad).  Sadly, I also had a good friend of 12 years pass away unexpectedly and suddenly, leaving a hole in the life of her husband, 4 young children, and those who knew her.  Change can be  challenging, often unexpected, and not always pretty.  

Still, I believe that ultimately, most change is good.  It's the adjusting to it that seems to give me fits. For a unashamed planner, who is never far from her notebook and highlighter, going with the flow is just counter-intuitive (even though it's surely the smarter choice).  

Here are a few things I've learned through some of these changes.

1.  Once children leave your home...  they're still going to need you a lot.  

2.  Algebra is hard.  Statistics may be harder.

3.  Homework takes WAY more time than I ever remember (of course I was single and childless then).

4. "House Hunters" is a lie. Buying and selling a house is not that fun or easy.

5.  Always follow promptings.  Not doing so meant missing out on the chance to tell a great man what a wonderful influence he was on this earth. Doing so allowed me to visit with my friend Angi just days before she died, and that is a precious memory to me.  Lesson learned.  

6.  Children grow at light speed and before you know it they're gone.  People before things (and that includes laundry).  

7.  This too shall pass... and when it does something else will take it's place. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" (John Lennon), so just enjoy the simple things.  

8.  My life is not as focused on the important things as it is the urgent things.  And I need to change that.  

9. The simple life isn't what I thought it was.  And I wish I'd learned that sooner.  But better late than never.  

10.  From chaos springs new life.  (I'm counting on that).  But it can be a slow process. 

This is an example of my current chaos.  Our current dining room has looked liked this for 2 weeks already. Note the absence of an actual table. It will be weeks before my new dining room is put together (after the move next week there are wood floors to refinish before furniture comes in).  For right now, I remind myself to just breathe, and remember #s 4, 6, 7, 8, and 10.  It's all good.  

Wedding

For those who missed it, couldn't be there for all of it, or just wanted to see it again...   here it is.  All of these gorgeous photographs are thanks to our wonderful photographer Sara. 

Caitlin and Neil met this past spring.  

And before we knew it, we were planning a fall wedding.  11/11/11 to be exact.  

It was a beautiful autumn day. 

Bride and Groom with some of both families on the temple steps.

I LOVE this!  I'm not sure what these men were laughing about, but I love the happiness, and how Caitlin stands out like a princess among them.

Neil and Caitlin with Neil's parents, Richard and Francisca.  We're so happy to be family now!

We had to have our turn too!

There's a story behind that scowl.  Chloe was convinced for some time that she was also marrying Neil.  So..when she saw them come out of the temple in wedding clothes, she knew she'd been left out.  There were a lot of tears.  In this picture, she still wasn't having any of the attempts to make amends.  

We're proud of the choices they made that brought them to this place on  this day.  We're so happy to see them begin their life together and pray that God will give them all blessings they can hold.

And then it was time to party!

The tables were absolutely stunning thanks to the beautiful chair covers, as well as the lovely centerpieces that Alicia made.    Mauricia and her sisters made all the Mexican food..  and it was GOOD! So many people loaned us things, advice, and help to put this reception on. We appreciate them all!

Caitlin chose some beautiful bridesmaids.

Is it really a party without chocolate?  I think not.  

I may be a little biased, but I think they make a beautiful couple.

This is Neil's "Padre" from Arizona,  who's loved him like a son for so many years.  He was so happy to have him here!

Cake cutting time!

Caitlin wanted dancing.  It was a good choice.  Everyone had so much fun!

Neil danced with his mom.

Caitlin danced with her dad.

Everyone ate, and laughed, and danced.  As Caitlin said once, "Wedding receptions are such happy places!"  This one certainly was.  

Before we know it, it'll be her turn.  Which makes me want to cry like a baby just typing it.  Because Caitlin was this big just five years ago...   well, ok, maybe more than five... but that's what it feels like.  

Weddings and....

Here are some things I've learned about wedding planning. I'm not an expert. Just a few tips from the trenches.   


1.  No matter what colors you pick, you won't find bridesmaid dresses or fabric in that color. Pick the dress or fabric first, and work the entire wedding around that.  Great advice from a friend...  a little too late.  


2.  When it's time to proof read the wedding invitations before printing --  have at least 20 people help you. Really.  Apparently 8 or 9 isn't enough.  


3.  Something is bound to go wrong (see #2).  No amount of excellent planning can prevent it.  Good advice from my daughter's future father-in-law.  It's ok...  we're laughing about it already.


4.  Men don't really have any interest in helping plan the wedding...   except for the food. They definitely care about the food.  


5. You will alternate between feeling totally on top of things one day, and in a hysterical panic the next.


6. What the bride and groom want and will make the most memorable day for them is more important that tradition, what you want, what the magazines say, etc...


7.  The only thing that really lasts from the wedding (besides the marriage of course), is the photographs.  You can find an excellent photographer for a very reasonable amount (with some detective work), but don't skimp on the quality or quantity of the pictures.


8.  Ask everyone you know for referrals for everything.  The best resources/people are usually the ones your friends  have given rave reviews.  


9.  A beautiful wedding can be done for relatively very little money.  There's no need to scale everything down and do without if you just use some creativity and good prioritizing (although I appreciate her willingness to give up the childhood dream of having doves released at the reception...  maybe some things have to give!)


10.  Pumpkin Cupcakes with Salted Caramel Buttercream are TO DIE FOR.  I realize that has nothing to do with weddings (unless you want to serve them at one), but I can't stop thinking about them.  If you try one, you won't either.  

Musings on Meditation

Let's meditate on meditation for a bit.  Meditating is that thing Indian gurus do, half naked with their legs twisted into a pretzel, right?  Well, probably.  But I do it too.  Except not half naked.  And definitely not with my legs twisted in a pretzel.  I've read here and there over the years about the benefits of different types of meditation.  A few years ago, I bought a beginner yoga DVD, and there are some brief meditative poses at the beginning.  I liked it.  But I didn't do it much or consistently. 


Then last year I read the book Eat, Pray, Love.  Didn't really love her writing style.  There were a few unfortunate (and in my opinion unnecessary) words and phrases.  Just a couple.  So with that warning, you might want to read it.  Or not.  Anyways...   it's a true story of a woman whose life is in total chaos, and who finds peace through prayer and meditation.  Well, who couldn't use more peace? I know I could!  Sadly, I can't spend a year traveling Italy, India, and Bali as she did. ( I mean, REALLY sadly...   cause I'd go.)  


I have my personal, firm, stuck in stone religious beliefs.  I believe what I have is whole, complete and right.  I don't however believe I have the corner on truth.  It's out there in many places.  Even if incomplete.  And I think it's pretty cool to discover that many of the fundamental roots of what I believe, are believed by others of various faiths.  I think maybe we're more familiar with the idea of "pondering" or "contemplating" than we are "meditating" (maybe it's that Indian guru thing).  


Here's the thing.  I pray daily.  Can't function well without it.  Here's the other thing.  The voice is still and small.  And not surprisingly, I don't often hear that answer to my prayer when I immediately jump up and run into my day.  Still and small in my opinion, means I may need to be still and listen in order to hear it.  That's where meditation comes in.  I don't know about you, but my mind is never still and I suspect most people, especially women, can say the same.  Pay attention and try it some time.  It's noisy in there, isn't it?


Now, I figure I have plenty of times during the day when I'm so tired or overwhelmed that surely it's empty up there.  I couldn't make an intelligent thought if I needed to, right?  Well, it may not be intelligent, but there's stuff running through there constantly.  


I've started taking some extra time each morning, right after my prayers, to meditate.  For me, that means just sitting on my bed in comfortable, non-pretzel like pose.  I start with some sun breaths to relax and focus a little.  After about 5 of those I feel relaxed.  Then I end with my hands in the Namaste gesture.

Now it gets tricky.  Try to just breathe in and out through the nose, and empty and quiet your mind.  Man, it's amazing the little things that keep popping in there....   What am I making for dinner?  Oh, I'm supposed to not think. Those are interesting sounding birds outside.  Shoot, I'm not supposed to think...................................  that dumb dog is barking again.  Ack!  And so it goes.  But it's getting easier.  It takes me an incredible effort to be STILL and not have my mind running.  I started with 5 minutes and now I'm up to 8.  A few little interruptions, yet, but overall, not bad.  After 8 minutes I feel squirmy and lose focus altogether.  


(here's a little trick...   try picturing those pesky thoughts as dry little leaves that blow away from you with each exhale.  That's also why the chanting of "ohhmmmm" . Another way to clear the mind)


Honestly it's usually the only time all I day I actually HEAR those birds. And they're lovely. You can also visualize positive things for you and loved ones.  Visualize God's love being poured out on you, so that you can pour it on others.  You really can't feel too grumpy when you're done.  Even if it's only 8 minutes.  It helps calm me and center my focus for the day  (not that I never lose it).  It's a little bit of peace and serenity in a chaotic day.  And I like it.  

Our first week of school

So, the school year has officially begun.  We're easing into the routine, both at home, and at outside activities.  I think the initial sting is gone, and it's become normal again after a low key summer. We are doing our learning a little differently this year, so that I can be available to work several days a week, and the new curriculum's not in full swing yet.  But here's some fun things about this past week.  They may not all seem like "school" but as a homeschooler, I firmly believe learning opportunities can be found anytime and everywhere!


1.  Taylor, who is in public high school auditioned for the first theater performance of the year, the musical production of Beauty and the Beast.  Parts are being assigned late tonight and we're all hoping for a major role for him. He's playing Maurice, Belle's father!  In fact, he's taking so many music and drama classes, that there isn't room in his schedule for all the required classes.  So he'll be doing those online this summer (hhmm...   sounds a little like homeschooling to me!)


2.  Alyssa and Natalie auditioned for Mid Columbia Ballet's Nutcracker (Alyssa's 7th year and Natalie's 3rd).  Parts should be out this week!  Always exciting, anxious, and sometimes a little disappointing (only initially).  When Taylor and the girls are all cast, we'll have a total of 21 performances in the month of December.  Yikes!


3. I spent Saturday with all 4 of my girls.  And Neil.  (Caitlin's fiance).  We went to the Pasco Flea Market for the first time and Neil helped with Spanish translation.  The girls had a blast!  Then we went to the Pasco Farmer's Market, some dress shops to look at sparkly dresses, a Mexican bakery for lunch, and then a stop at the ballet studio before hitting some thrift shops to bargain hunt.  Neil got am ample dose of estrogen!  He was a good sport, and we all had fun!


4. A trip to Moses Lake to the orthodontist..   ok, that's not anyone's idea of fun, but we did take one route there and another back to see which was shorter in mileage and time. Because we'll be making this long trip a lot over the next two years. Now we know.  


5. The hunt for bridesmaid dresses might be over.  Trying to find something affordable, modest, in the right shade of the right color, available before we need it....   aaaggghhhh!!!!!!   Hopefully we'll get that in stone this week (of course I said that the last two weeks, but whatever).  


6. Chloe has learned to be an awesome helper by picking up her own toys pretty willingly. And happily.  It's a happy day when the kid that makes the most mess starts to help clean it all back up.  


7. I've gotten my educational goals back on track.  I admit I didn't engage my brain much this summer.  But I've got a reading list and some good goals of things to study between now and January when I start college classes.  I read Everyday Grace, by Marianne Williamson.  And I'm reading Chaos, Making a New Science, by James Gleick.  Again. Because I got 1/4 of the way through it 9 years ago and I need to finish.  I'm starting at the beginning.  I'm not a big science person, but I feel the need to challenge myself.  I don't get it all the first time I read it, so it's slow going, but fascinating. 


8.  Spanish.  I took it in 7th, 8th, and 9th grades, then a semester in college.  You'd think I could speak it, but I can't.  Classroom Spanish is never spoken at the speed a real person speaks it (not even close).  I can still read some. Understand a native speaker though?  Not even.  But I figure I will need a second language for my degree, Neil and lots of his family speak it, and it's time I conquered it.  His mom teaches it as WSU Tri Cities..  so I've got all the books I need.  Caitlin's learning too, so we can practice together.  


9.  I met my soon to be in-laws last weekend.  I was SO nervous.  They are both so smart and talented. And accomplished. And educated and degreed.  I was feeling pretty inadequate with just my degree in diaper changing.  We had a wonderful time with them! They are wonderful, gracious, kind, welcoming, fun, and interesting!  If we have to lose a daughter, at least we get to gain a family! 


10.  I didn't get my fridge cleaned, my photo albums organized, my bedroom dusted, my college transcripts ordered, and a host of other things.  But it's ok.  They'll get done.  This week we had better things to do!

Heaven on a chip

Pico de gallo, which translates from Spanish as "rooster's beak" is a funny name for a food.  But this fresh salsa has become one of my family's favorite snacks this summer.  I was looking for something easy, inexpensive, healthy, and yummy for them to eat.  I've always enjoyed salsa fresca (fresh salsa) much better than the saucy, tomato based salsa in a jar.  Now, they do too!  

I start with Roma tomatoes.  You don't want the really soft, ripe ones.  Firm is better.  I make big batches, so I use 12, but you can halve that if you want.  Pico de gallo is better when eaten with the first day or two, so just make enough to last that long.  

Dice them up.  I like to cut them fairly small so a little bit of everything can make it onto the chip.

Next is onions and cilantro.  Here's the trick.  The tomatoes, onions, and cilantro should all be in equal proportion to each other.  The tomatoes don't rule this salsa.  

I use yellow onions.  Skin it, and cut it in half.  If you take a knife and make thin cuts all the way along one side, then......

Turn it the other way and make thin cuts this way, it'll just about be perfect.  Less mess, quicker dicing.  

I just give it a quick once over to make sure the onions are diced small enough.  I don't want any big chunks of anything in this salsa.  

See how the onions and tomatoes are pretty equal in quantity?  You want a nice 50/50 blend.  For 12 Roma's, this comes out to about 1 1/2 to 2 good sized onions.  

Next comes cilantro.  You tend to either love cilantro or hate it.  I LOOVVE it!  For this large batch you'll use about 1 1/2 to 2 bunches of cilantro, depending on how big they are.  I just scored some giant bunches at the store last night, so they'll go farther today when I make more.  Make sure you rinse it, as cilantro tends to be very sandy.  Cut off the stems (most of them...  don't worry about a little stem in there) and start chopping.  

Roll and wad it up into as tight of a bunch as you can, then start chopping.  Chop it fairly fine.

One third tomatoes, one third onions, and one third cilantro.  It sounds like a lot I know..   but it's sssooooooo good!

Lime and jalapenos.  They really give this some amazing flavor.

If you can find a really good sized, juicy lime, one is all you need.  Otherwise, maybe 1 1/2. Just mash it around before you cut it to release the juices easier.  Then cut in half and use a fork to squeeze the juice out.  

You have to be careful with these babies.  Wearing gloves is the smartest.  I made so much of this, I ran out of gloves, so I learned to be very, very careful.  Otherwise that jalapeno heat will stay under your fingernails, and then in your eyeballs for far too long.  For this sized batch, 2 smaller peppers is about right.  We like a good bit of heat in our salsa.  You can always do less...   or more.  

The seeds and white veins are what gives the pepper it's heat. It's best to remove the seeds.  I leave a little of the veins in because I want some heat.  If you want the flavor without so much heat, take all the seeds and veins out, and just use one smaller pepper.

Dice these up finely too.  That way the flavor and heat are evenly distributed and there won't be that one mouthful with a big chunk of pepper that clears your sinuses out.  

Ok.  Done.  That's it.  Well, you can add salt to taste, keeping in mind that most tortilla chips are already salty.  No oil.  No vinegar.  Just these few fresh, healthy, inexpensive ingredients.  It'll be heaven on a chip, I promise.  Of course you can use it on omelets, tacos, or just about anything.  We have kept the tortilla chip makers in business this summer!  But at least they were eating vegetables, right?  


Ok, so here's the recipe, family sized:


12 Roma tomatoes
2 large yellow onions
2 bunches of cilantro
1-2 limes
1-2 jalapenos
salt to taste