Let Them Bloom

I don't believe in the empty vessel theory.  You know, that children are just empty vessels and it's our job to fill them up and make them into somebody.  They come here as somebody.   Those personalities show up early on too.  Temperaments, preferences, and attitudes show almost immediately after birth.  So why is it some parents believe they can dictate who they are and what they should become?

True, it's our job to teach, train, mentor, inspire, impart, bond, encourage and a host of other things.  But not dictate who they are.  I feel strongly about this because I have personal experience.  My father loved us I know.  He was difficult to please though.  It seemed that before we were born he knew who we should be....what we should like or dislike, be afraid of or not, excel at, spend time on, etc...  So I grew up feeling that I wasn't entirely right.  Not the way I was.  To be truly loved and approved, I'd need to mold to his image.  For me that meant being thinner, less shy, more aggressive, athletic, smarter...  less me and more like his idea of me.  Overcoming this has taken energy and time that could've been spent more joyfully. 

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We hope that our children will share our values and beliefs and be good people, with all the skills necessary to live a long and happy life. We naturally want to share our passions and interests with our children. It's expecting our children to feel as passionately about it as we do that becomes a problem.  I've seen parents push their kids to major in a certain field in college and follow a particular career path, even if they have no interest, but in fact a deep passion elsewhere.  Why?  True success comes where passion and ability meet, finding those things you both excel at and love.  Why insist that they do something else because you judge it will make them happier and more successful?  I've never understood this.  

We give our children all we can.  We impart all the wisdom and experience we possibly can.  Then we have to give them wings, let them go, and see where it takes them.  It may hurt to see them make wrong choices or suffer failure.  But we're there to catch them when they fall.  Sometimes, they need encouragement to continue a hard road.  We have to feel that line between letting them quit something too easily, or walk away because it isn't right for them.  

My son Taylor is 15.  He started public school this year and joined the Freshman football team, never having played in his life.  Not even in our yard. Ever.  In fact, he was quite a couch potato.  It was HARD.  I know he literally thought he'd die at times.  He knew he was the least experienced guy on the team.  He didn't quit, nor did he mention it.  If he had, I would've encouraged him to see it through the season.  Dig deep, suck it up, hang in there, and persevere.  Because that forms character and strength.  Insisting he play football all four years of high school because I want him too is another story.  He played the whole season, saw his self esteem grow and his body weight shrink, and really enjoyed it. But he's not sure he wants to play again.  He's not really built for football.  He has other, competing interests.  I admit, I liked saying I had a boy on the team, you know?  It was fun going to the games and cheering for him.  I will miss it if he doesn't play next year. Really. But this is HIS life.  And his decision not to play again, wouldn't be the same as quitting.  


I admit, I've had those dreams of what I hoped a particular child would do and be.  I'm only human!  I know them better than they know themselves sometimes, or at least have a more experienced perspective.  I see what I think they'd be good at.  Or not good at.  But imposing that on them is something I will not do.  I might mention it.  Suggest it. Give them food for thought.  I will never give ultimatums.  This is their life.  Only they know where they feel truly gifted and happy.  If we do our jobs well, or even mostly well, they'll know which road to follow.  And they'll bloom splendidly.

most photos courtesy of Alyssa, beautiful children courtesy of me

Favorite Websites

I thought I'd post some of my most favorite websites.  Some are blogs, some have products for sale, some are just great information or resources.  But I LOVE them and wanted to tell you.


Thrift Books is awesome.  I have a passion for books (and unfortunately not enough bookshelves... ), but I also don't like parting with my money.   Buying used books has been great for our family.  We save so much money and often times you can't tell the used from new.  There are plenty of used book sites out there like Amazon.  But they all charge shipping.  Up to $4 per book.  Thrift Books charges no shipping and in most cases is significantly cheaper than other sites.  They may not have what I need, but it's always where I go first.  


Every Day Minerals is one of my newest favorites.  I like makeup. It covers my blotchy, rosacea tainted skin.  And I love pretty colors!  But most makeup doesn't cover my flaws very well, or irritates my skin.  About a year ago I started using mineral powder foundation.  LOVE IT!  However, the store brands have so many fillers that I often found my skin itchy.  Some other high end brands are..  well...   pricey.  Every Day Minerals is awesome.  So many choices for any skin undertone.  I found it very effective, non-irritating, and magically covering.  Her eye shadows have real lasting power and a rainbow of colors.  And her prices?   Wonderfully affordable.  You even get a discount of 20% if you purchase 5 full sized products, which I just did.  Don't know which color foundation to choose?  She offers free sample kits of 5 shades to try.  You only pay $3 shipping.  




The Lettered Cottage.  My home is horribly "un-designed".  It's what you'd call...  umm....   we're too poor and busy raising 7 kids to have a definite style.  Or time to decorate.  Or money to do it.  Or the creativity to make it happen...  well you get the idea.  I know what I like when I see it.  I want my home to feel peaceful, simple, clean, inviting and not overly formal.  THIS is how I want my house to be.  They have stunning before and after photos that give me hope!  And while I haven't gotten to all the site content yet, they claim they do this all on little or no budget.  Amen.  Someday, my house will echo their work.  Sigh.  Just click on before and after on the menu bar.


The Pioneer Woman.  Ree Drummond is my hero.  She writes better than me, cooks better than me, does photography better than me, and probably home schools her kids better than me.  She's witty, talented, gracious, generous, and frankly honest.  Her frequent give aways are fun.  I subscribe and get her daily digest in my email in box.  When I grow up I want to be Ree Drummond.  If you want information on life, children, homeschooling, cooking, design, or a host of other topics, her blogs/website is the place to go.



All Recipes.  I'm a cookbook freak.  I collect cookbooks like some people collect coins, or shoes.  Yet for all the cookbooks I have, there are days I can't find what I need.  Or, more to the point, can't remember which cookbook that recipe is in.  It's hard getting old.  But, All Recipes is a very searchable site with lots of variations to make anyone happy.  Recipes can be scaled smaller or bigger, and you can even print off the recipes index card sized and ready to file.  Or, you can register for free and file your recipes in your virtual box.  Some days, it's a lifesaver (or dinner saver).  


Teach With Movies.  A friend sent me this link.  I don't know about you, but along with entertainment, sometimes I want my kids to actually learn something from the movies we watch...  without showing those boring documentaries we saw in school.  You know, the ones that for decades seemed to always be narrated by the SAME man.  (how is that even possible?).  Anyways, you can search for movies by topic.  And for a  very low yearly rate you can subscribe which opens resources like lesson plans and learning guides for over 300 movies!  It's genius.  


I hesitate to mention the next one.  For a few reasons.  One, it's kind of blatant self promotion (not that a blog isn't I guess, right?).  Second, it's not like that many people read my blog that it would really benefit me in any way. Third, my mentioning this tends to scare people away as if I will hunt you down and trap you like some stereo-typed version of a used care salesman.  Which puzzles me really.  Anyone who knows me knows I'm not like that.  A lot of people I know don't even know this about me (like I'm a secret agent or something), but I have a telecom and energy services business.  Few people know, because I clearly have a lot to learn about being in business!  I assure you it's legit.  Above board.  A lot of fun actually.  And my saving grace to not have to go back to work full time (because although I don't begrudge that choice to anyone...  it's not one I want to make).  


I simply broker services through arrangements with companies like Verizon, AT&T, Sprint, Dishnet, ADT security and other highly well known and reputable companies.  It won't cost you a penny more than you already pay for stuff you already use.  It makes my desire to stay home with my children a reality.  Check out what I have.  If you or someone you know is looking to switch or just renew services, PLEASE ask me first or send them my way.  I will love you forever and ever.  You may even find me at your door with a plate of warm and gooey chocolate chip cookies as a thank you!  Think about that.  Verizon never did that for you, huh?


Well, these are just a few of my favorite sites and I hope you find something useful on them.  Don't hesitate to shout out one of your favorites.  It might become one of mine!

Reach for the Stars

Raise your hand if once upon a time you wanted to be a princess...   or maybe an astronaut (I wanted to be Samantha on Bewitched and make magic by wiggling my nose... I have control issues.).  Maybe you'd be a movie star, or hunt lions on an African safari.   Nothing was out of reach!   As we got older though,  we got the message that dreams and goals needed to be within limits and be realistic.  Problem is, sometimes by the time we're adults, we've forgotten how to dream at all.  Do you  really believe everything is possible anymore?  True, I've likely lost my chance to be in the Ice Capades (silly dream for a girl who was too scared to strap on ice skates I know)  but there are still dreams worth pursuing!

You've heard of a bucket list, right?  It's a list of all the things you want to do before you "kick the bucket".  It's a great way of remembering who we really are under the mounds of dirty laundry and sticky floors and endless to-do lists.  Jack Canfield, in his amazing book, The Success Principles (everyone from 10-100 should read it), suggests making a list of 30 things you want to do, 30 things you want to have, and 30 things you want to be.

Be  realistic enough to know you'll never be in the NBA now, but otherwise to  dream BIG.  Don't worry about when or how you'd do these things, just write.  If you keep asking yourself what you really want, you'll be surprised at some of the answers!

At first I found it really hard!  As a mother, I find I'm often busy focusing on what my kids want to be when they grown up, rather than on anything I might still want to do.  I admit I still haven't finished and I kind of put my list aside.  Just putting those dreams on paper, gives a little nudge to your subconscious mind and you'll be amazed at how you begin to see the opportunities to make some of those dreams come true!

Here are some of the things on my list.  Some are just too embarrassing to share because I'm a dork, but maybe this will inspire you to write your own list.  Have your kids begin one, and teach them to reach for the stars.  "When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get one, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either."  Leo Burnett

1.  tour Europe
2.  learn to play the cello
3.  provide an entire Christmas for a family in need
4.  buy a family cabin
5.  overcome my fear of rejection
6.  find joy in every moment
7.  develop unfailing confidence
8.  re-landscape my 3 acre "yard"
9.  achieve financial success with my business
10. get season tickets to Pacific Northwest Ballet


So......   what's on YOUR bucket list!  Click on "comment" and share a couple...  you just might inspire someone (including yourself).