Let's meditate on meditation for a bit. Meditating is that thing Indian gurus do, half naked with their legs twisted into a pretzel, right? Well, probably. But I do it too. Except not half naked. And definitely not with my legs twisted in a pretzel. I've read here and there over the years about the benefits of different types of meditation. A few years ago, I bought a beginner yoga DVD, and there are some brief meditative poses at the beginning. I liked it. But I didn't do it much or consistently.
Then last year I read the book Eat, Pray, Love. Didn't really love her writing style. There were a few unfortunate (and in my opinion unnecessary) words and phrases. Just a couple. So with that warning, you might want to read it. Or not. Anyways... it's a true story of a woman whose life is in total chaos, and who finds peace through prayer and meditation. Well, who couldn't use more peace? I know I could! Sadly, I can't spend a year traveling Italy, India, and Bali as she did. ( I mean, REALLY sadly... cause I'd go.)
I have my personal, firm, stuck in stone religious beliefs. I believe what I have is whole, complete and right. I don't however believe I have the corner on truth. It's out there in many places. Even if incomplete. And I think it's pretty cool to discover that many of the fundamental roots of what I believe, are believed by others of various faiths. I think maybe we're more familiar with the idea of "pondering" or "contemplating" than we are "meditating" (maybe it's that Indian guru thing).
Here's the thing. I pray daily. Can't function well without it. Here's the other thing. The voice is still and small. And not surprisingly, I don't often hear that answer to my prayer when I immediately jump up and run into my day. Still and small in my opinion, means I may need to be still and listen in order to hear it. That's where meditation comes in. I don't know about you, but my mind is never still and I suspect most people, especially women, can say the same. Pay attention and try it some time. It's noisy in there, isn't it?
Now, I figure I have plenty of times during the day when I'm so tired or overwhelmed that surely it's empty up there. I couldn't make an intelligent thought if I needed to, right? Well, it may not be intelligent, but there's stuff running through there constantly.
I've started taking some extra time each morning, right after my prayers, to meditate. For me, that means just sitting on my bed in comfortable, non-pretzel like pose. I start with some sun breaths to relax and focus a little. After about 5 of those I feel relaxed. Then I end with my hands in the Namaste gesture.
Now it gets tricky. Try to just breathe in and out through the nose, and empty and quiet your mind. Man, it's amazing the little things that keep popping in there.... What am I making for dinner? Oh, I'm supposed to not think. Those are interesting sounding birds outside. Shoot, I'm not supposed to think................................... that dumb dog is barking again. Ack! And so it goes. But it's getting easier. It takes me an incredible effort to be STILL and not have my mind running. I started with 5 minutes and now I'm up to 8. A few little interruptions, yet, but overall, not bad. After 8 minutes I feel squirmy and lose focus altogether.
(here's a little trick... try picturing those pesky thoughts as dry little leaves that blow away from you with each exhale. That's also why the chanting of "ohhmmmm" . Another way to clear the mind)
Honestly it's usually the only time all I day I actually HEAR those birds. And they're lovely. You can also visualize positive things for you and loved ones. Visualize God's love being poured out on you, so that you can pour it on others. You really can't feel too grumpy when you're done. Even if it's only 8 minutes. It helps calm me and center my focus for the day (not that I never lose it). It's a little bit of peace and serenity in a chaotic day. And I like it.
It seems that I'm always reading or hearing of a home school family (especially with older children) who have the sort of daily routine I think I'd prefer. You know, everyone up by 6:30, morning chores, breakfast, dressing and grooming, morning devotional (cord of wood chopped, animals fed, music practiced, barn roof fixed, etc) and all done before 8:00 am. Wow, what a beautiful start on the day! By lunchtime, they're just plain finished, and mom is free to study, read, sew, bake, or follow any other hobbies or interests. Yeah..... well.... I've yet to find that nirvana.
Here's the thing. I'm a night owl by nature. As a kid, no matter how early I was up, I could never go to sleep early; not even if I laid in a dark, quiet room for a LONG time. Motherhood has forced me into living the lie (oops, Freudian slip... I mean life) of a morning person. Only one of my seven children seems to take after her father who is more of a morning person than anyone has a right to be (the man doesn't need an alarm to get up at 4am... how twisted is that?). My bad luck it's my almost 3 year old, the one I desperately wish would sleep in!
I'm slowly discovering (I'm a little dense), that our personal family rhythms need to be honored; tweaked perhaps, with some basic structure added to keep our slothful natures in check, but otherwise honored. See, I enjoy some peace and quiet when I first wake up. My brain is fuzzy and I don't respond well to needs and demands (which my kids so excel at). I need time to read, or think, or to get myself organized while they're all blissfully sleeping. So in spite of my best efforts, they're up later than I'd like.... because of me.
And they are SO like me. They also need that time to gather themselves and come to focus when they get up. They want blankets (even in summer), hot cocoa (even in summer), and books, or crayons and paper. Why is that a bad thing? While I shower, meditate, pray, eat and dress, they have time to slowly bloom. It's all good, right? Then WHY do I feel so guilty? It all comes down to comparing myself against other families... those "ideal" home school families. Any time I do that, I always compare my worst to others' best. When will I learn this and just be content to do what feels right for us? I'm working on relaxing about it this year and working with our natural rhythms. When I do this, I'm happier, they're happier..... isn't that the goal?
