2014 is Here!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels time is actually moving faster! The years seem to finish so quickly anymore.  Being a highly introspective introvert, a new year always gives me a reason to ponder on...   well just about everything.  Especially on my progress and how my family is doing.  I'm a goal setter so I work on those, though I wish I could also say I'm as good at achieving goals as setting them. 

We've had some serious issues with children this past year that honestly are heartbreaking and sometimes make me feel that I am at the limits of what I can bear.  The hardest part of being a mom isn't nighttime feedings, a messy house, potty training, or even driving kids everywhere. It's not being able to fix what's hurting one of your babies, no matter how old they are.  

We have endured unemployment, financial stress, cars that have been in the shop more times than I care to count, illness, and disappointments in 2013. It was the same in 2012, and it'll be the same in 2014 because unfortunately that's all part of life.  

But we've also had blessings and tender mercies.  We became grandparents to a deliciously wonderful baby boy, watched some of our children shine on stage, watched others shine as they struggle and persist through hard days and don't give up, had kindnesses shown to us, received inspirations that guided us, made family memories while camping and swimming and watching movies together, ate together, and laughed together.  And I hope and expect to have more of these experiences also.  

For 2014 I have enough to do and face that I'm sure I'll feel I'm just hanging on by my fingertips.  Again. You can probably relate.  I won't share all my goals, but here are a few. I'm printing them off and posting them in my life book today. And several other places as well because I don't know about you, but if I don't see them daily... um, I forget I have goals.  At all. Which is why unfortunately many of these are carryovers from the past several years. 

1.  I'm going to read the Book of Mormon all the way through in the next 6 months, keeping a notebook where I write down the principles I find in each chapter. And then I'll do it again.

2.  I've lost a few pounds lately and I want to keep going.  I desperately want to take up running, but with my knee, that won't be possible unless I take a lot of weight off first.  Ironically backwards, isn't it?

3.  Finish my BA in anthropology by December 15th of 2014.  

4.  I want to make it a solid practice and habit to talk about my joys significantly more than my disappointments.  That includes Facebook posts and conversations in general.

5.  I will work harder to build up my children and create better relationships with them.

6.  I am determined to play the cello.  Never mind that I don't own one, can't afford lessons, and don't have the time for lessons or practice.  It's been on the top of my bucket list for years and I need to do it.  Positive intention set! Now if someone could just deliver me a cello...

I hope you feel that 2013 was a great year and that 2014 will be even more wonderful.  Blessings to you and your families as you journey your way through this life!

Our first week of school

So, the school year has officially begun.  We're easing into the routine, both at home, and at outside activities.  I think the initial sting is gone, and it's become normal again after a low key summer. We are doing our learning a little differently this year, so that I can be available to work several days a week, and the new curriculum's not in full swing yet.  But here's some fun things about this past week.  They may not all seem like "school" but as a homeschooler, I firmly believe learning opportunities can be found anytime and everywhere!


1.  Taylor, who is in public high school auditioned for the first theater performance of the year, the musical production of Beauty and the Beast.  Parts are being assigned late tonight and we're all hoping for a major role for him. He's playing Maurice, Belle's father!  In fact, he's taking so many music and drama classes, that there isn't room in his schedule for all the required classes.  So he'll be doing those online this summer (hhmm...   sounds a little like homeschooling to me!)


2.  Alyssa and Natalie auditioned for Mid Columbia Ballet's Nutcracker (Alyssa's 7th year and Natalie's 3rd).  Parts should be out this week!  Always exciting, anxious, and sometimes a little disappointing (only initially).  When Taylor and the girls are all cast, we'll have a total of 21 performances in the month of December.  Yikes!


3. I spent Saturday with all 4 of my girls.  And Neil.  (Caitlin's fiance).  We went to the Pasco Flea Market for the first time and Neil helped with Spanish translation.  The girls had a blast!  Then we went to the Pasco Farmer's Market, some dress shops to look at sparkly dresses, a Mexican bakery for lunch, and then a stop at the ballet studio before hitting some thrift shops to bargain hunt.  Neil got am ample dose of estrogen!  He was a good sport, and we all had fun!


4. A trip to Moses Lake to the orthodontist..   ok, that's not anyone's idea of fun, but we did take one route there and another back to see which was shorter in mileage and time. Because we'll be making this long trip a lot over the next two years. Now we know.  


5. The hunt for bridesmaid dresses might be over.  Trying to find something affordable, modest, in the right shade of the right color, available before we need it....   aaaggghhhh!!!!!!   Hopefully we'll get that in stone this week (of course I said that the last two weeks, but whatever).  


6. Chloe has learned to be an awesome helper by picking up her own toys pretty willingly. And happily.  It's a happy day when the kid that makes the most mess starts to help clean it all back up.  


7. I've gotten my educational goals back on track.  I admit I didn't engage my brain much this summer.  But I've got a reading list and some good goals of things to study between now and January when I start college classes.  I read Everyday Grace, by Marianne Williamson.  And I'm reading Chaos, Making a New Science, by James Gleick.  Again. Because I got 1/4 of the way through it 9 years ago and I need to finish.  I'm starting at the beginning.  I'm not a big science person, but I feel the need to challenge myself.  I don't get it all the first time I read it, so it's slow going, but fascinating. 


8.  Spanish.  I took it in 7th, 8th, and 9th grades, then a semester in college.  You'd think I could speak it, but I can't.  Classroom Spanish is never spoken at the speed a real person speaks it (not even close).  I can still read some. Understand a native speaker though?  Not even.  But I figure I will need a second language for my degree, Neil and lots of his family speak it, and it's time I conquered it.  His mom teaches it as WSU Tri Cities..  so I've got all the books I need.  Caitlin's learning too, so we can practice together.  


9.  I met my soon to be in-laws last weekend.  I was SO nervous.  They are both so smart and talented. And accomplished. And educated and degreed.  I was feeling pretty inadequate with just my degree in diaper changing.  We had a wonderful time with them! They are wonderful, gracious, kind, welcoming, fun, and interesting!  If we have to lose a daughter, at least we get to gain a family! 


10.  I didn't get my fridge cleaned, my photo albums organized, my bedroom dusted, my college transcripts ordered, and a host of other things.  But it's ok.  They'll get done.  This week we had better things to do!

Happy New Year!!

To me, the start of a new year is September, not January.  They should move New Years to 
September.  I think anyone with kids kind of sees it this way too.  January's the halfway point, right?  Well, I'm starting this "new year" with some excitement, some anxiety, some fear, and lots of questions!  


As a home school family, each year has looked different.  Different needs, courses of study, interests to follow, groups to belong to, activities to be involved in.  Each year I think we've made bigger changes than ever, only to discover the next year, I feel the same again.  But still I say, this year may have the biggest changes ever!  I'm NOT the adventurous type.  Not unless that adventure is well planned, far in advance, will all variables and bases covered.  (I'd be a blast on a road trip, wouldn't I?) But I'm trying to see this all as a big adventure and hang on for the ride.  


My oldest is engaged.  She's getting married this November.  She is blissfully happy, and therefore, so are we, because mothers love to see their children happy, don't we?  But what a big change this will be for us!  We will be losing a housemate, but gaining a son (and a great one at that).  And frantically pulling together a wedding that is 10 weeks ago.  The adventure is beginning!


My second oldest is on a waiting list for his own apartment, and when his name comes up, he'll be moving out.  All this "moving out" business has it pros and cons.  Pro:  more room for everyone left here  Con: less children, laughter, and conversation around the table.  I know it's time.  It'll be good for him to stand on his own, and see what being an adult is all about.  But I feel like a little piece of me leaves with both of them.  


Another went off today, for his first day of sophomore year in public school. Chamber choir, advanced drama, millionaire club, and debate club are just a few of the things that will keep him away from home 12 hours a day many times.  I miss him already.  But I'm happy to see him thriving and adjusted and involved and stretching himself to do great things.  


The rest will be home with me (well, kind of, because I won't necessarily be here), at least for half the year.  Home school will look different yet again.  They will have to work more independently, which means all new curriculum and strategies.   I'm in the process of being hired as a substitute para-educator for North Franklin school district where I'll be working at Basin City elementary and maybe Mesa elementary, three to four days a week.  We'll have to frequently evaluate how it's all working. It might be public school for everyone next year (but I can't think about that yet). I know there are many women who have juggled work and family, and I think they're amazing.  I just didn't want to be one of them. My goals haven't been very lofty.  I wanted a family...  lots of children, and the joy of being with them every day.  That's it.  No career to run back to when they started school.  No big ambitions.  If I had to sacrifice some material things and be financially creative, well that was ok.  


Things have changed. I've put this off as long as I can. It's necessary.  And I'm trying to tell myself it's all good.  This week I'm putting my house in order.  Making menu and chore binders to help the kids stay on task while I'm gone, and play a bigger part in helping the family run smoothly. That'll be good I think.  I've not delegated and relied on them as much as I could have.  I think having to step up will be good for them.  


I have also come to see very clearly that at mid-life, I am uneducated, unskilled, untrained, and unprepared to do much of anything that's worthy of a paycheck.  At least not a paycheck that's worth having.  The way I see it, if I have to give up what I love most (being home each day with my kids), then the job better 1. Be a good measure of fascinating and engaging  2. pay really well.  I'm pretty sure that's NOT the job I've snagged for myself.  So....


Back to school.  I was trying to choose between work and school (because I'm an all or nothing type of girl thinking only of full time college), when my almost son-in-law mentioned taking part time classes (DUH!).  So, in January I'll be taking a couple of classes per quarter at the local college (online, so I can work it around everything else).  I'm currently still torn between courses of study.  I see two basic options.  Study something that will get me done the quickest and make the most money.  Or, study something I find fascinating, but that takes twice the time, AND that I have no idea how I'll use to make money.  I'm torn between what I should do and what I want to do.  Enter the guilt.  ACK!  I'm leaning towards what I want to do (because as a mother for the last 21 years, what I want has so rarely been the focus).  But then I feel guilty. So I wonder. 


Then, as a woman who has barely kept it all together as a stay at home mom, I wonder...   HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE THIS ALL WORK?  You know that saying that goes something like this; I had it all together, but I forgot where I put it?  That's me baby!  So I'm a little afraid (ok, a lot).  I go to bed with lots of questions on my mind (which doesn't make for the most restful night).  Can I really be one of those women, who juggles work, school, weddings, ballet performances, school performances, music lessons, meals, grocery shopping, quality time with kids, driver's ed, and on...  and on...?  I guess I'll see!  And you will too.  Because  I best sort out my life by writing through it.  This year in blogging will be a record and study of something..   and I hope it's good!

The Legacy of Strong Women

I posted a while ago about the struggle I'm having concerning what to be when I grow up.  I feel torn between the opportunity to build a small business from home.  That I already have.  But never intended to be in charge of.  Yet it's brilliant, and so maybe I should stretch myself.  Or then again, I could run with the business idea I've had (forever) that would be totally different and allow me to indulge my creative side, and that is more in my comfort zone.  I really felt I had to choose.  Why?  Well, frankly, I feel I do a poor enough job of juggling a family of 9, home schooling, life in general with the daily fires to put out, volunteer commitments,  miles on the road, etc.   If I split my focus yet one more way, won't I just break into pieces too tiny to matter?  Won't everything I do, if I do too much, just suffer from lack of care?


I'm wondering now if that's wrong.  Is there a way to do it all, and do it well?  If so, can *I* do it?  So here's what got me questioning.

We're studying American History with A History of Us, by Joy Hakim.  

Cannot say enough how much we love these books!  We're in book 2, "From Colonies to Country" and we came to a story that so impressed and fascinated me about a strong woman.  The chapter is titled "The Girl Who Always Did Her Best".  Well, that's an understatement!  Eliza Pinckney moved with her family from the Carribean to South Carolina when she was 16.  Her father almost immediately went off to war and her mother became seriously ill.  

photo from A History of Us

She's well noted for her intelligence; speaking three languages, playing instruments, and studying.  She also took over all business operations for her father's three large plantations.  At 16.  She experimented with new crops, growing the first successful indigo in the colonies.  She rose up early each day and read for a couple of hours, then took some exercise while checking on the plantations.  She studied her music, and reviewed things she was learning (like French and shorthand).  At 22 she chose a husband for herself who was 45.  She had three children, and then her husband died.  So, she ran her three plantations along with her husband's SEVEN.  According to history she did this and raised her family outstandingly.  


And I can't seem to fit it all in.  Yes, life today is different.  We have places to be, phone calls to make, meetings to attend, emails to answer... and she undoubtedly had servants to help.  But so do we.  They're called dishwashers, washing machines, and microwaves.  Right?






I'm about ready to read a book to learn a lot more about Abigail Adams. Impressive woman. Wife of John Adams, mother of six children in 10 years, two of whom were buried young.  John had long absences from home and Abigail ran home and farm while he was  away.  Their well preserved letters show a woman who was his intellectual equal (at least), always studying and learning, eloquent in speech, and independent.  She made financial decisions and investments while he was away.  She was often referred to as "Mrs. President" while he was in the White House because she was so politically active.  

photo from A History of Us

I love the passage in Proverbs (31: 10-31) that I hadn't taken much notice of until recently.  It describes a good and virtuous woman.  Her husband's heart is safe with her.  She works willingly with her hands, and brings her food from afar.  She rises early, before anyone else, to feed her family.  She transacts business, buying a field and planting the vineyard with her own hands.  She strengthens herself and sees that what she produces is good. She cares for the needy.  Her family is richly and warmly clothed, and she makes and sells extra linen. She speaks with wisdom and kindness and is not idle.  There's more if you want to read the whole thing (and more beautifully than my paraphrasing).


To be honest, until recently that would have probably made me a bit...  well, defensive.  I don't know about you, but I often feel my to-do list and the expectations of others for me are plenty long.  As I often tell my family, "I am only one woman".  Yet look at what one good woman can do.  Think of all the powerful and strong women throughout history.  Think of the ones you know today!  What have they done? I now see that rather than a list of things to do, that passage in Proverbs simply outlines all that I have the power to be!  Good women do much because we CAN.  


This week I think we'll have a short home school holiday. Monday and Tuesday off.   We haven't really taken any days off, and this woman needs some time to ponder and plan the possibilities.  Home and family must be preserved.. yes.  Some things in life are more important than others..  true.  But if these women could do it, can't I find a way to be more and do more and still be true to myself and my priorities?  Am I capable of more than I think I am?  Do I have more power than I realize?  Life is a choice.  It's all a choice.  And I have some choices to make.  

The Element

I've found another person to be inspired by.  My daughter introduced me to him and his ideas on education through a You Tube video (I love it when my kids start teaching me!).  Sir Ken Robinson, PhD has some thought provoking ideas on education.  I already believed most of this, but I usually hear this kind of thing from homeschool proponents.  His ideas on education are directed towards public education, but anyone involved in education can benefit.  He's so brilliant I don't know why I hadn't heard of him before!


Take 10 minutes to watch this and see if you don't find yourself shaking your head in agreement.  A lot. The talents of the RSA Animate makes it fun!  Then check below for a book review.

Awesome, right?  I think instinctively, most of us know this, but the "system" is what we've been raised on.  I searched around and found that he's written a book called The Element, How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything.  It's not your typical, "follow your bliss" type of book.  It's an amazing combination of personal development and education, two of my favorite subjects!   It's at once a guide for finding your passions and best self, and a scathing review of  our educational system.   Color me happy!

He discusses his educational philosophies and how he thinks schools should start over, not just "reform".  He discusses the importance of learning in a holistic way, where all the senses, modalities, and "intelligences" are engaged.  We  know that schools cater mostly to the linguistic and mathematical styles of learning, which leaves so many children feeling lost and sees many reach adulthood without ever having discovered that which they most love and excel at.  


Robinson gives  many real life examples of people's paths to happiness and success by finding and following their passions.  He also shows the difficulties and obstacles that often stand in our way to doing so, specifically in the school systems and societal expectations that so many of us grew up with.   As I shared in an earlier post, I'm struggling to find my passion; that Element where I belong.  Rather than answers, it's given me more to ponder.  In some cases, your Element and what you do to make a living aren't the same thing.  You may do what's necessary to survive financially, and immerse yourself in those interests and passions outside of work hours.  I'm stubborn though  (not a surprise to some of you).  I insist there must be a way for those things to meet in my life; passion and income.  If only my passions were accounting, or grocery store clerk, or receptionist, you know?  Life would be so simple then.  


I've realized too, that I may be doing better than the public school system in helping my children discover their true gifts, but I'm failing in many ways too.  As a product of that broken system, I  of don't often  think far enough outside of the educational box.  I  struggle to maintain enough of a schedule and routine so that I can  manage a household of nine and all the grunt work that comes with it and keep my sanity (ok....   keep what's left of it), and still allow the flexibility my children need to indulge their interests and gifts to their fullest extent.  With the number of kids, their age differences, and interest differences,  I struggle to feel I can meet all their needs in that way.  I've got a lot to think about over the holiday break!  Watch it, read it, and tell me what you think!

Math Appreciation

Can you draw really well?  Well, none of us can.  We just don't have any gift or talent for it whatsoever.  So if I said to my kids that we were going to study art, and at the end of  6 weeks they would have to create a masterpiece painting on canvas.....   they would scream and run the other way.  It would be too intimidating, right?  Any of you non-artists can relate!  Yet they very much love learning about art and looking at it.  Well, we have a bunch of children in our family who dislike (ok, loathe) math, and think they're terrible at it (they aren't, they just expect perfection and immediate mastery).  So, my saying to them, "Let's do these math lessons, then we'll do some worksheets, and after a few weeks we'll do a test (aka masterpiece), well..... they scream, and run the other way.  It's too intimidating for people who have an inborn fear of math.


Of course, I want my children to love math and understand it.  I find it fascinating, though at times a bit frustrating and challenging.  The wonderful thing about homeschooling is how much there is available in the way of choice when approaching learning.    We've tried several different math curriculums  which I was very pleased with (Math U See with it's great DVDs and manipulatives and Life of Fred with it's quirkiness and humor), but the kids still aren't big fans.  


A homeschool coop project I'm helping with inspired me to do some math appreciation with my kids for now, rather than expect the masterpiece.  The coop math class only lasts five weeks, but  it's so great to see my kids do things with math they wouldn't at home by themselves.

They are more willing to make new rules to old games, experiment, and have fun when working with other kids.  They've collaborated really well in sharing ideas and solutions (which would be called cheating in school, but is actually  great  preparation for real life, don't you think?)


So,   I started searching and  found some wonderful resources that I hope will change my children's feelings about math along the way as we learn about math from a different angle for a while.

We really enjoy Joy Hakim's "A History of US". (I am aware we're talking about math....  stick with me.)  I'm reading it to the second set of children and I love it and so do they!  She has such a wonderful way of weaving history into the amazing STORY that it is, rather than a bunch of facts on a timeline.  She also does a remarkable job of integrating many topics into that story; economics, religion, ethics, science, art, poetry, etc.  So I was really ecstatic when a friend told me she has also started writing "The Story of Science".  YES!! ( My kids also think they don't like science much.  Silly kids.)  

Hakim  beautifully weaves a fascinating story  and integrates so many subjects, including math!  I've been trying to tell my kids that math is simply a language;  a foreign language to some of us, but one that the universe is based on.  In chapter 2 she quotes Galileo, 


"The universe cannot be read until we have learned the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written.  It is written in mathematical language." 


Just what I've been trying to explain!   Did you know that Einstein gave a lecture at Moscow University in 1955 where he wrote something on a blackboard that has NEVER been erased?  


 "Physical laws should have mathematical beauty."


When in school did you ever learn about "mathematical beauty"?  Einstein seems to have thought  it exists.  I'm not going to argue with him, we're just going to try a little harder to find it.  ALL knowledge is one great whole.  I'm learning this on my own educational journey because my experience is from  public school which is all very compartmentalized.  I  found a group of books on Amazon and I ordered one to start with.  In "Mathematics  Appreciation" by Theoni Pappas he says he, "Introduces you to the fascinating interrelationship between mathematics and other subject areas, the evolution of mathematical thought, and the beauty of mathematics."  Right on.  He has many many books about math written for all ages.   I have a feeling we'll be getting more of them!  

I'm determined to help my children appreciate mathematics.  They may never be brilliant at it, or truly love computations and that's ok, but I want them to lose their fear of it and understand the beauty of it in our every day lives.  

A Little Brag

Is there anyone out there that home schools their children, that doesn't worry and wonder if your kiddos are really learning everything they need to know? Do you panic thinking you've created massive craters in the fabric of their learning...   and they'll never get into college... or find a job... or a spouse... or be able to support themselves....   and they'll be living in your basement forever, because you FAILED?  Anyone else ever have those moments of terror?  


Of course, the "normal" thing to do is turn them over to the public school system where the experts in education can do a superior job teaching your children.  Every time I think I'm comfortable with what we're doing, one of the many traditional schoolers I know asks me or my children something (just for the record, I NEVER give public school kids pop quizzes...  I'm just sayin') and I find myself thinking, "I don't know!  Have we studied that?  Do they know that?  Obviously they're supposed to!"  And I'm taking a ride on the worry rocket again.  


Why is it so easy to believe the principles, but such a  huge leap sometimes to trust the process?  First of all, I have to say, shame on me for not seeing those small, daily testaments.  I'm sure they're there, but I'm too busy worrying to stop and appreciate their simple beauty (note to self...   look for them!).   I do ADORE those times when it's made very clear to me that we're doing positively fine.  It confirms my faith in the process I SAY I believe in, but too often doubt.  


Over the years, we've tried on many home school methods, from your more traditional "school-at-home" textbook variety, to total unschooling where we just live and learn together without regard to much formal curriculum at all.   I can say honestly we've leaned much more towards the relaxed than rigid side.   

Taylor, who just turned 15, decided to go to public high school this year.  I know it wasn't meant as an offense (I like to think the best of people whenever possible), but the many exclamations of, "well good for you!" from friends and acquaintances upon hearing  this, seemed to imply that he had finally come to his senses and conquered over his ridiculous mother and her insane desire to teach her own and clawed his way free (am I a little sensitive do you think?).   Secretly I was worried that he was behind and not at all prepared for the rigors of high school.  Well, might I brag for just a moment?  He's handling football practice and games, plus all his classes and homework (including advanced English and science) just fine.  He's taking his MAP tests this last week or so and is scoring amazingly well (just like I always knew he would).  

Zachary is 18 and wants to start community college this winter. He took his entrance exams today...   and passed with NO problem.   Now, a cynic might say, that the "rigors" of public school aren't all they're cracked up to be so it's not such a triumph after all, and that our educational system has problems which need to be addressed.  In which I case I ask, why am I such a weirdo for teaching my own?  Seriously.  The other point of view is that textbooks and schools with their rigid time schedules, well prepared teachers, and thoughtfully crafted scope and sequence, are NOT the only or best way to learn.  Hmmmm...   ponder that for a minute.  Taylor's highest MAP score so far?  Science (and  let's just say that's never been a big focus of ours in the traditional sense).

Will I worry again?  Sigh.  Probably.  I need to work on that.  And  I'm starting right  now to watch  each day for that evidence that assures me we're ok.  I know I'll find it.  

Home School Rhythms

It seems that I'm always reading or hearing of a  home school family (especially with older children) who have the sort of daily routine I think I'd prefer.  You know, everyone up by 6:30, morning chores, breakfast, dressing and grooming, morning devotional (cord of wood chopped, animals fed, music practiced, barn roof fixed, etc) and all done before 8:00 am. Wow, what a beautiful start on the day!  By lunchtime, they're just plain finished, and mom is free to study, read, sew, bake, or follow any other hobbies or interests.  Yeah.....   well....   I've yet to find that nirvana.  


Here's the thing.  I'm a night owl by nature.  As a kid, no matter how early I was up, I could never go to sleep early; not even if I laid in a dark, quiet room for a LONG time.  Motherhood has forced me into living the lie (oops, Freudian slip...  I mean life) of a morning person.  Only one of my seven children seems to take after her father who is more of a morning person than anyone has a right to be  (the man doesn't need an alarm to get up at 4am...   how twisted is that?).  My bad luck it's my almost 3 year old, the one I desperately wish would sleep in!


I'm slowly discovering (I'm a little dense), that our personal family rhythms need to be honored;  tweaked perhaps, with some basic structure added to keep our slothful natures in check, but otherwise honored.  See, I enjoy some peace and quiet when I first wake up.  My brain is fuzzy and I don't respond well to needs and demands (which my kids so excel  at). I need time to read, or think, or to get myself organized while they're all blissfully sleeping.  So in spite of my best efforts, they're up later than I'd like.... because of me. 

And they are SO like me.  They also need that time to gather themselves and come to focus when they get up.  They want blankets (even in summer), hot cocoa (even in summer), and books, or crayons and paper.  Why is that a bad thing?  While I shower, meditate, pray, eat and dress, they have time to slowly bloom.  It's all good, right?  Then WHY do I feel so guilty?   It all comes down to comparing myself against other families...  those "ideal" home school families.  Any time I do that, I always compare my worst to others' best.  When will I learn this and just be content to do what feels right for us?  I'm working on relaxing about it this year and working with our natural rhythms.  When I do this,  I'm happier, they're happier.....   isn't that the goal?