2014 is Here!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels time is actually moving faster! The years seem to finish so quickly anymore.  Being a highly introspective introvert, a new year always gives me a reason to ponder on...   well just about everything.  Especially on my progress and how my family is doing.  I'm a goal setter so I work on those, though I wish I could also say I'm as good at achieving goals as setting them. 

We've had some serious issues with children this past year that honestly are heartbreaking and sometimes make me feel that I am at the limits of what I can bear.  The hardest part of being a mom isn't nighttime feedings, a messy house, potty training, or even driving kids everywhere. It's not being able to fix what's hurting one of your babies, no matter how old they are.  

We have endured unemployment, financial stress, cars that have been in the shop more times than I care to count, illness, and disappointments in 2013. It was the same in 2012, and it'll be the same in 2014 because unfortunately that's all part of life.  

But we've also had blessings and tender mercies.  We became grandparents to a deliciously wonderful baby boy, watched some of our children shine on stage, watched others shine as they struggle and persist through hard days and don't give up, had kindnesses shown to us, received inspirations that guided us, made family memories while camping and swimming and watching movies together, ate together, and laughed together.  And I hope and expect to have more of these experiences also.  

For 2014 I have enough to do and face that I'm sure I'll feel I'm just hanging on by my fingertips.  Again. You can probably relate.  I won't share all my goals, but here are a few. I'm printing them off and posting them in my life book today. And several other places as well because I don't know about you, but if I don't see them daily... um, I forget I have goals.  At all. Which is why unfortunately many of these are carryovers from the past several years. 

1.  I'm going to read the Book of Mormon all the way through in the next 6 months, keeping a notebook where I write down the principles I find in each chapter. And then I'll do it again.

2.  I've lost a few pounds lately and I want to keep going.  I desperately want to take up running, but with my knee, that won't be possible unless I take a lot of weight off first.  Ironically backwards, isn't it?

3.  Finish my BA in anthropology by December 15th of 2014.  

4.  I want to make it a solid practice and habit to talk about my joys significantly more than my disappointments.  That includes Facebook posts and conversations in general.

5.  I will work harder to build up my children and create better relationships with them.

6.  I am determined to play the cello.  Never mind that I don't own one, can't afford lessons, and don't have the time for lessons or practice.  It's been on the top of my bucket list for years and I need to do it.  Positive intention set! Now if someone could just deliver me a cello...

I hope you feel that 2013 was a great year and that 2014 will be even more wonderful.  Blessings to you and your families as you journey your way through this life!

What I've Been Up To

Wow, I haven't blogged in a while!  Things have been crazy busy...  aren't they for everyone?  So here's what I've been up to.  Prepare yourself..   it's a little boring.  But then no one ever accused me of having an audacious life!  Yet. (I can still hope!)


1.  Exercising.  Hate doing it, like how I feel afterwards.  This is the most consistent I've been in a long while, and it took over my early morning blogging time.


2.  Making bread.  After years of not doing it regularly...  I started again.  I love homemade bread (though with the exercise efforts, I shouldn't be eating much of it).  


3.  Trying to find a hotel room in Salmon, ID. (or something to do while I'm there).  Finding a hotel room.  Easy.  In Salmon, ID.  Well now, that's a whole other story.  


4.  Planning my garden.  Square foot gardening is wonderful!  Bermuda grass bites though.  It's my mission to conquer it once and for all this spring.  And I'm already behind.  Story of my life.


5.  Choosing a new cell phone.  This should also be easy.  But I get stuck deciding between what I want, what I need, and how much one plan will cost compared to another and researching coverage maps, and reading reviews of various phones, and....    well no one can beat an issue to death like I can.  (I envy people who just DECIDE.  Fast).  I've finally decided.  I think.


6.  Washing laundry.  


7.  Reading a great book.  "Eat, Pray, Love".  I don't love the couple of "choice" words in there...   but I bleeped them out and am really enjoying her self discovery through 3 countries.  It's a soul feeding book.


8.  Getting serious about stepping up to the plate, building my business, and finding myself in the process.  The self that I think was voted "most likely to succeed" in high school, then spent the next 25 years not having the self confidence to even start a conversation or the self esteem to think I mattered, isn't the real me.  Somewhere in there, I'm confident, fearless, and successful.  And I'm getting closer to her every day.  


9.  Of course, running kids everywhere.  It's hard to imagine that will ever end.  


10.  Staring blankly at a wall for the few minutes in the day that I do have a break...  because my brain is fried by then and I feel catatonic.  

It shouldn't be allowed

For moms to get sick I mean.  You know, the kind of sick where you just can't.  Do. Anything.  When mom stops it seems like the world stops, right?  I fought a slight cold all last week with the rest of my family.  Not a big deal.  Then on Monday morning this annoying, dry cough started.  I felt ok this morning...   but by lunch I had to crawl into bed.  Where I still am.  Trying to orchestrate dinner from here.  Thank goodness I have kids that can work a little magic in the kitchen.  Here's my list of the reasons why it's just not fair that moms get sick.  Ever.  


1.  We've already been through morning sickness at least once.  Isn't that enough?


2.  Kids run a little wild knowing we can't do a thing about it.


3.  I don't know about you, but I had plans for today.  And now I don't.


4.  It'll all be there waiting for us the next day though, won't it?


5.  Electric guitars are tough on bad headaches (ok, maybe that's just in my house).


6.  Mom takes care of everyone else, and it doesn't seem to work the other way around.


7.  Natural childbirth  (or not even) should exempt us forever.


8.  I had plans (did I already say that?)


9.  The house seems to grow in clutter before your eyes, and you're helpless to stop it.

The Womanly Art of Breadmaking

Today seemed like a good day to teach the little girls the womanly art of bread making.  Bread making is fun.  Especially for kids.  You get to dump lots of stuff into the mixer.  Yeast is fun to smell (not!).  Plus the idea of yeast "eating" the sugar and flour and then "burping" gas to make it grow...   you get a little gross out humor too.   It's also kind of cool that from a lump of flour, water, yeast and a few minor things, you can make FOOD!   


It today's fast paced world, where so many people don't even cook or share meals together, I think there are some valuable skills that need preserving.  You may not choose to make all your own bread all the time.  But it's good to know you can if you need to (store's closed, car won't start, lost your debit card....).  It's a good feeling to know in today's wacky economy and uncertain times, that you CAN control something.  You can rise above that mess a little bit and be self sufficient.  

We started with some wheat grinding today.  Our wheat grinder is ancient!  I mean, really, look at it!  It weighs a ton and everyone is deafened for the time it's running.   Fun, fun, fun though.  If you're a kid, the more noise the better, right?   

After all, Rapunzel must have made her own bread up in that tower, don't you think?   So now we have a nice batch of whole wheat flour (half red and half white...   because I'm in love with the white wheat, but can't bear to just waste the red).  Anyone out there want to trade me some hard white wheat for my hard red wheat?  *sigh*   I didn't think so. 




Natalie and Chloe both wanted to help and asked a lot of questions.  I have to admit...   I am not good at sharing my kitchen.  I'm usually short on time, I know exactly what I want to do and how I want it done, and I don't always have the patience to slow down and endure bigger messes so my kids can learn.  Especially in the kitchen. I know, terrible isn't it?  I'm trying though!  

They didn't even fight (much) over who got to dump what into the mixer.  I have to remember that even young kids are capable of SO much.  After one cupful of flour, I left Chloe alone to put on the lid and start the mixer while I was in another room.  Which she did.  With no problem.  

After all the mixing...   we're just waiting for the bread to rise....   
































and we're back!  Ok, so the girls had a good time kneading the bread (which we failed to get photos of).  

But this is the face of a girl who got to pummel some bread dough.

"You did not just touch my dough!"

"I am a force to be reckoned with!"  (and don't we all know it).  

So we got the bread into the pans.  I LOVE these long loaf pans.  They're shaped like the store-bought bread that most kids are familiar with (unless they've only known homemade).  I make at least 4 at a time and freeze them, which lasts for a week or two.  

I wish you could smell this....  mmmmmm......  it smells lovely in here!  Fresh baked bread.  YUM.  You know you want some  :)

A Little Brag

Is there anyone out there that home schools their children, that doesn't worry and wonder if your kiddos are really learning everything they need to know? Do you panic thinking you've created massive craters in the fabric of their learning...   and they'll never get into college... or find a job... or a spouse... or be able to support themselves....   and they'll be living in your basement forever, because you FAILED?  Anyone else ever have those moments of terror?  


Of course, the "normal" thing to do is turn them over to the public school system where the experts in education can do a superior job teaching your children.  Every time I think I'm comfortable with what we're doing, one of the many traditional schoolers I know asks me or my children something (just for the record, I NEVER give public school kids pop quizzes...  I'm just sayin') and I find myself thinking, "I don't know!  Have we studied that?  Do they know that?  Obviously they're supposed to!"  And I'm taking a ride on the worry rocket again.  


Why is it so easy to believe the principles, but such a  huge leap sometimes to trust the process?  First of all, I have to say, shame on me for not seeing those small, daily testaments.  I'm sure they're there, but I'm too busy worrying to stop and appreciate their simple beauty (note to self...   look for them!).   I do ADORE those times when it's made very clear to me that we're doing positively fine.  It confirms my faith in the process I SAY I believe in, but too often doubt.  


Over the years, we've tried on many home school methods, from your more traditional "school-at-home" textbook variety, to total unschooling where we just live and learn together without regard to much formal curriculum at all.   I can say honestly we've leaned much more towards the relaxed than rigid side.   

Taylor, who just turned 15, decided to go to public high school this year.  I know it wasn't meant as an offense (I like to think the best of people whenever possible), but the many exclamations of, "well good for you!" from friends and acquaintances upon hearing  this, seemed to imply that he had finally come to his senses and conquered over his ridiculous mother and her insane desire to teach her own and clawed his way free (am I a little sensitive do you think?).   Secretly I was worried that he was behind and not at all prepared for the rigors of high school.  Well, might I brag for just a moment?  He's handling football practice and games, plus all his classes and homework (including advanced English and science) just fine.  He's taking his MAP tests this last week or so and is scoring amazingly well (just like I always knew he would).  

Zachary is 18 and wants to start community college this winter. He took his entrance exams today...   and passed with NO problem.   Now, a cynic might say, that the "rigors" of public school aren't all they're cracked up to be so it's not such a triumph after all, and that our educational system has problems which need to be addressed.  In which I case I ask, why am I such a weirdo for teaching my own?  Seriously.  The other point of view is that textbooks and schools with their rigid time schedules, well prepared teachers, and thoughtfully crafted scope and sequence, are NOT the only or best way to learn.  Hmmmm...   ponder that for a minute.  Taylor's highest MAP score so far?  Science (and  let's just say that's never been a big focus of ours in the traditional sense).

Will I worry again?  Sigh.  Probably.  I need to work on that.  And  I'm starting right  now to watch  each day for that evidence that assures me we're ok.  I know I'll find it.  

Home School Rhythms

It seems that I'm always reading or hearing of a  home school family (especially with older children) who have the sort of daily routine I think I'd prefer.  You know, everyone up by 6:30, morning chores, breakfast, dressing and grooming, morning devotional (cord of wood chopped, animals fed, music practiced, barn roof fixed, etc) and all done before 8:00 am. Wow, what a beautiful start on the day!  By lunchtime, they're just plain finished, and mom is free to study, read, sew, bake, or follow any other hobbies or interests.  Yeah.....   well....   I've yet to find that nirvana.  


Here's the thing.  I'm a night owl by nature.  As a kid, no matter how early I was up, I could never go to sleep early; not even if I laid in a dark, quiet room for a LONG time.  Motherhood has forced me into living the lie (oops, Freudian slip...  I mean life) of a morning person.  Only one of my seven children seems to take after her father who is more of a morning person than anyone has a right to be  (the man doesn't need an alarm to get up at 4am...   how twisted is that?).  My bad luck it's my almost 3 year old, the one I desperately wish would sleep in!


I'm slowly discovering (I'm a little dense), that our personal family rhythms need to be honored;  tweaked perhaps, with some basic structure added to keep our slothful natures in check, but otherwise honored.  See, I enjoy some peace and quiet when I first wake up.  My brain is fuzzy and I don't respond well to needs and demands (which my kids so excel  at). I need time to read, or think, or to get myself organized while they're all blissfully sleeping.  So in spite of my best efforts, they're up later than I'd like.... because of me. 

And they are SO like me.  They also need that time to gather themselves and come to focus when they get up.  They want blankets (even in summer), hot cocoa (even in summer), and books, or crayons and paper.  Why is that a bad thing?  While I shower, meditate, pray, eat and dress, they have time to slowly bloom.  It's all good, right?  Then WHY do I feel so guilty?   It all comes down to comparing myself against other families...  those "ideal" home school families.  Any time I do that, I always compare my worst to others' best.  When will I learn this and just be content to do what feels right for us?  I'm working on relaxing about it this year and working with our natural rhythms.  When I do this,  I'm happier, they're happier.....   isn't that the goal?

Who Am I?

Call me a dork.  A throw-back.  A nervous tic in the eye of a staunch feminist.  But Ma Ingalls is my hero!  My favorite books growing up were the Little House series.  I read them every summer from 3rd grade til adulthood, and have since read them a few times over to several of my children.  To me, they symbolize the spirit of America and of simplicity and most importantly of womanly empowerment.  That's right, I said womanly empowerment.


I realize these days that it's widely accepted that the best place for women to find empowerment is in fashioning themselves after men, or at least doing their best to fit into a man's world. For many years, women who found fulfillment with home and family were looked down on as less than a complete or successful woman (and maybe they still are).   I think true empowerment is found in the freedom to decide where you fit, what fulfills you, and how you fashion the landscape of your life.


As I read those books, I was fascinated by the idea that individual women used to do for themselves and their families, what had become widely understood and accepted could only be done by large industry.  Soapmaking, growing all your own food, making your own cheese, even your own mattresses (no, I do NOT want to give up my Sealy for a straw tick) came into my awareness.  Women, not industry, used to have the power and skills to do these things.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I very much appreciate modern conveniences!  Take away my cell phone, indoor plumbing, and minivan and I'm a mess (details of this actual nightmare to follow!).  As I write this, I'm sitting in my pajamas in my living room, on my nifty little laptop.  So, I adore modern technology!  That said, I feel we've lost something precious.  


Women had the ultimate power to care for and shape their families long before they thought of putting on their first business suit.    I think it's sad that so many women today have power in their careers, but admit they can't put a meal on the table for their families unless they buy it and bring it home.  Do I advocate that we return to the role of the pioneer woman?  Not exactly, but I choose to find empowerment through fulfilling my role and doing what only a woman can really do well (I know some people will find that a sexist comment!).


 I was very much a meek and complacent child.  Not a spark of rebel in me.  Something about becoming a mother inspired a transformation and lit a small ember of rebellion though.  I began to question "societal wisdom" and realized there were choices I could make each day in how I cared for and raised my famiy that mattered.   To me, that's the true root of empowerment.  Knowing you can question conventional wisdom, find what's best for you and your family, and DO IT.